The Fear Doesn't Own Me Anymore

The Fear Doesn't Own Me Anymore 

I awoke startled at 4 am to find you standing over my bed... Only a couple hours before we had words over the phone and you were towns, counties and hours away, yet here you were coldly staring at me sleeping. You didn't move, you didn't flinch, no answers to my confusion of questions... "What are you doing here? How did you get in?" The moments seemed to drag until I felt the silence would suffocate me.  I reached for my purse and I stood to leave... As I said "I can't do this, I'm out of here" I felt the sting on my flesh as your hand  connected with  my face, the noise rang in my ears... It seemed like slow motion as I fell back on my bed stunned, the weight of your body straddled me as your forceful hands gripped my neck... I remember thinking...it's true, my life is flashing before my eyes ... Thinking of my little kids... Would I see them again? 

Then I looked into your eyes, they seemed fogged over with rage... Then all of a sudden the fog lifted, your grip loosened as you said "oh my God, your face" ... Little did I know this was only the beginning of months of crazy and years of fear.... That 17 years ago today this act would have weaved it's way thru my life and still in ways define my ability to see myself ... I'm stronger now, I cringe less, the fear doesn't own me anymore, but in my darkest moments it still lets me know that at one time it did, but I take a deep breath and know I Am Free! 

Aug 2, 2014