How To Boil A Frog

For years this day used to send me into a panic attack...I have felt anxious and fearful,at times without knowing why.. Then I would realize the date.. Now I choose to dedicate this day to empowering others... To shine my light so others can see their way out of their own darkness, whatever that looks like for them....

How To Boil A Frog

Some things you may not know if someone has not held your life, literally,  in their hands... 

Many people say..."I would never stay with someone who hit me" or "why don't they just leave" ...(I know I've said those same statements before it was me in the abuse) what people don't realize is the physical abuse doesn't start right away... And that the mental and emotional abuse usually is far more damaging than the physical... The bruises, cuts and bones heal while the psychological damage finds ways to hold on... And rear it's head during the most inopportune times... Like when a friend rubs your shoulders out of support and you cringe because hands are close to your neck, or a car follows you on one too many turns and so you change your route, the phone at your office rings and a blocked or unavailable number comes up...

The abuse starts subtly with picks at your self worth... The abuser is charismatic at noticing your wounds and scabs then casually picking them so not only does it prevent them from healing, it can make them fester and infect...the process is like boiling a frog, if you put them in hot water they would jump out, but if you put them in cool water and slowly turn up the heat... They don't notice until its too late, too hot and they boil.  

The cycle seems crazy outside the arena... And seems like a whirlwind from the inside... I can't speak for anyone else, only for me... I felt ashamed that I let him in my life, so I only let the tip of the iceberg show... If I loved him enough, it would change... I felt protected when he was there, that he wouldn't let anyone hurt me; but that came with the  price of being my knight and my dragon....when he was sweet, he was the sweetest; when he was mean he was the meanest...I got used to walking on egg shells and dodging the mine field and the stress kept me just enough off balance so the chaos felt normal...it took finally getting out of the tornado to relearn calm and peace so it felt like normal... Somewhere in the abuse it's like a magnet is on our compass ... It seems like we are following its direction but the guiding system is compromised ... 

I know I've used a lot of different analogies here and it may seemed scattered ... That's the way the abuse feels from inside...  

Aug 2, 2014