10 Lessons I learned this week... Aug. 14, 2013

10 Lessons I learned this week....
1.  Not everyone is willing to look at or work on themselves.
2. Because I want to work to make a relationship better, doesn't mean the other person does.
3. When I ask to be respected, and for my feelings to be considered...some people take that as a sign to be more disrespectful to me and talk disrespectful about the people I love.
4. Relationships aren't important to everyone, some people prefer to go with ego rather than love.
5. I learned that standing by someone doesn't mean they appreciate it or even respect me.
6. I learned that I can only take someone yelling, swearing at me , and calling me names for so long before I become the part of me I don't like.
7.  I learned that people who truly love me don't put me in that position.
8.  I learned that regardless of if someone or anyone loves me, I love me.  That I deserve someone who brings out the best of me.
9.  I learned I am willing to look at my darkness and work on me; and when I fall, I stay down less, I get up faster, and get back on my path with less baggage. 
10. I learned that I am loved and I deserve to surround myself with those people, and release those who don't know how or don't want to love me. 

I Know God Had a Plan When He Sent Me To You...To Mama 2/7/14

Its been 3 years and I still can't catch my breath....
I know God had a plan when He sent me to you...
He knew that you would hold me up with your love...
He knew you would give me roots and ground my free spirit, yet let me spread my wings and fly...
He knew you would be here when I fell, and as you cleaned my cuts you would encourage me to get up again...
He knew when I rocked the boat, you would close your eyes, hold on, and pray- when the waves calmed and looked around- there you would be, smiling and always loving me...
He knew the path I chose was a crazy ride, He knew you would love me through it all and be by my side...
There's so much I still need to say so many times I need to hear your voice, so much to share and advice I still need...
Every day I miss your smile and your silly ways...the way you make everyone feel special and loved when you were around...your cute wink and the surprise face when I would walk in on you in the tub (even though it happened almost daily)  the way you loved my children like they were your own, the way you always made me fell safe, even though you were so small.... Your fudge, and Texas sheet cake, trips to Pine Valley, Sunday drives... the security of knowing you always had my back.
You inspire me to be so much more, to make you proud, and let you know it was worth the ride. 
Yes, I know God had a plan when he sent me to you....

What I've Learned---written July29, 2013

What I've learned is that some people I  thought I knew had me fooled. 
That some people for the sake of selfishness, and control have lost their common sense and decency. 
That some people make life harder than it needs to be at the detriment, and pain of those they "say" they love.
But what I've also learned is that I don't need to meet those people in their crazy, that I can distance myself from negative and I can continue to walk the path toward peace, love and bliss regardless of another's choice.
That I can see truth in the sea of lies.
That I have a choice of what I bring in my circle. 
What I've learned is that I chose love. 

Sacred Circle of Friends

As I sit in a room with friends surrounded by sympathy cards for one of our sons... I realize this is surreal...Its out of order...
I remember the beginnings of our friendship circle so much laugher so much silliness...
dances, big gulps, slurpees, dragging main, boys and state trips...
skinny dipping, water balloons, the Blue Lagoon...
mopeds and red mountains...
"that guy that traded his pants for a burger"...
convertible orange bug, don't let Kristin drink outta your mug...
marquee signs and tan lines...
Dreams and plans we had so many...
Bright futures ahead, visions of college, careers, marriages, babies, vacations and sunshine...
And while we shared the sun, we were blindsided by the rain....
While we celebrated our joys, we held each other up through the pain...
While we stood up with flowers at each wedding, we met some on our knees through the scars of divorce...
We've lost parents and spouses clenching our hearts in despair...
Seen careers come and go, building homes and our lives, surgeries, pregnancies, and goodbyes...
As I look around this sacred circle of friends at these faces, the years have changed us, but we have ridden the ride and are grateful for our journeys-though they are each one different, they are so much the same.

Through The Eyes of This Child

Today I was blessed to play with Imani.  I got to see the world through her eyes...
The wonder of wood chips on the ground...
The interest of other little people...
Showing emotions when she felt them instead of stuffing them; crying when sad, smiling when happy, raising her arms to be held when she needed lifting....
The magic of slides and dirt...
The laughter ringing through the playground, down the slides, and over swing sets...
Not looking around to see if others approve...
Leaning into this moment...
Not worrying about the past, not thinking of the future...
What valuable lessons I remembered through the eyes of this child. 

And you thought they were just....Chocolate Chip Cookies

 

Anyone who knows me at all knows I love to make chocolate chip cookies...

I love making cookies with love and tenderness...

I love making cookies as part of my therapy...

The warming oven warms my soul....

Pulling the ingredients together feels like pulling together the pieces of my life...

The measuring makes me feel like I can control something when I feel out of control...

Melting butter crackles and pops like the thoughts in my head...

The stirring makes me feel strong and powerful ....

Falling chocolate chips into the dough feels like the drops of pure sweetness in my life...

Mixing them all together with my hands feels like molding my life, all the ingredients of it sweet, buttery, salty, vanilla and chocolate, to make a tasty masterpiece of my own.

I love sharing them like I love sharing moments of my life with those who appreciate the flavor of my journey. 

 

 

 

 

 





Clickin Out of OZ

 

Clickin Out of OZ....

I've spent a large part of my adult life (and come to think of it, most of my childhood) trying to make a man love me.

I felt lost and scattered by Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz....

 

I left the blossoming of relationships because the Emerald City shined so bright...I felt so unworthy of being loved and appreciated.

I tried to get the Scarecrow to see his gifts... while I down played my own so he felt wise;

I tried to soften the tin mans heart...I dreamed if I loved him enough he would love me;

I cowered so the lion felt brave...I gave my soul away piece by piece in hopes I would be loved;

I fell asleep to myself in the poison poppies...

I listened to the flying monkeys who were afraid of my yellow brick path... I let them drown out the encouraging voices....

I let the wicked witches scare me away from my inner sparkle...If I shine to bright they were intimidated and that somehow meant something was wrong with me...

I looked to the Wizard to give me my answers...

BUT... The wisdom I seek shines like ruby slippers in my soul ...

Clicking my heels and coming Home to myself!